Just Keep ‘Em Coming

My eye has been twitching uncontrollably for the past two days. It’s quickly driving me insane. I think it’s because David’s doing renos again. YES I know I asked him to, but how can a guy be SO single-minded to not see his wife’s twitching face and think, “Hmm, maybe I should take a night off the renos...” All the ladies whose husbands won’t willingly do renos are now thinking, “Just can it with the husband-whining!” Can’t help it. Pregnant. TOTALLY playing the pregnant card now.

I was laughing today at StrongStart because an old friend asked me the other day about the transition between one kid and two kids, and how that went. Today I was trying to play with both kids, but my overbearing son wouldn’t let me play with my very independent daughter. Every time I went to go see what she was up to, he came running at me with a book, puppet, or power tool. Is she playing by herself because she’s independent, or is she so independent because she’s so often forced to play by herself?

Before we had Skyler, I became terrified. When I was pregnant I actually had these debilitating moments of such acute remorse because I felt there was no way I could ever love a new baby enough, and I was so sad about "what I was doing" to my poor son. So I started asking every parent I saw with two kids, and the consensus seemed to be, "Having one kid is like having no kids, having two kids is like having ten kids." I was so indignant! How could they say that having one kid is like having no kids?! Not to mention a little freaked out; could it really be that tough? And then we had Sky-pie. It was true--the work didn't just double, it quadrupled at least. I’m not going to try to snow anybody here. It was tough! Both were in diapers at first, and then I had to go through toilet training while also chasing a six-month-old baby around. However, that kind of craziness is only for the baby time. It gets really hard (the first six weeks are psychotic at the best of times), but by the time the youngest kid is about fourteen months (right about the time I start to think about having another baby), it starts to get easy again. Or maybe your perspective changes. Maybe it’s like before I started marathon-training, when running 10K was a big deal. Then I started packing on the mileage, and suddenly a half-marathon was a training run. Many a Saturday was spent running 29km in the morning, then working a four or six-hour shift at the sporting goods store I worked at. No big deal. Bah, what’s an extra kid, really? You’re already doing the parenting, right? Now with this one we’re already planning camping trips this summer, with a baby due at the end of June. No problemo.

Marcus is now four and Skyler is two. They spent the entire evening after dinner last night making a “clubhouse” together, and playing in it. Together. Because they absolutely love each other. And I see now that the best thing I’ve ever done for my boy was giving him a sister. At Strong Start, Skyler was doing what we call “being scootchy”. That’s when she lies on him, snuggles him, buries her face in his tummy, rolls around on him, etc. At first he gave the big squeal--“NOOoooOooo Skyler!”—but all I had to say to him was, “Marcus, she’s just being scootchy. Be scootchy with her!” and he did, instantly. Then it was the two of them, rolling around on the floor, hugging, tickling, being silly beans, and just generally loving each other.

Now that there’s a new baby coming, Marcus is already including it in his family picture. For example, we were discussing which Mickey Mouse characters we would be if we were in the show, and Marcus listed each of us and who we would be, and included the baby in his list. He’s very excited about us becoming a family of five. Funnily enough, I’m back to being totally freaked out about throwing another kid into the mix. My concerns are so different this time around. For one thing, we’ve been diaper-free around here for over six months, so I will only have one in diapers this time around. Not only that, the diaper thing didn’t turn out to be that big a problem back when it was the biggest issue. Having two in diapers isn’t that bad, because if you’re already in diaper-changing mode, what’s a few more diapers, really? See: perspective. My biggest worry now is the number of hands I have compared to the number of kids I’m about to have. It’s a good thing I’ve got the Mean-Mommy voice down pat, because when I growl, “Marcus, get over here NOW!” he doesn’t think twice about it—he’s by my side and awaiting further instruction. Handy for stopping kids from darting in front of cars. The key to Mean-Mommy voice is to use it only it case of emergency, or they will learn to tune it out. You need your Mean-Mommy voice to be the siren they hear above the lure of the playground noise or the delicate tinkle of the ice-cream truck. Skyler doesn’t respond to it as well—she’s too much like me. Nobody tells us what to do! I think I’ll always have to keep a hand free to hold onto the back of that child’s coat. Maybe I’ll be able to get through this without having to harness and leash any of my babies. Maybe I’ll make that my tentative goal.

No, the concerns are new, the hurdles will be different, and the perspective will change. We were sitting on the couch the other day reading a book, both kids snuggled on my lap, and I looked down and realized that there was no room there for the baby. So I asked them, “Kids, where will the baby go when the baby comes?” Marcus took a look at my face to see if I was serious, looked down at our laps, and then patted his own. “Right here, Mom. There’s lots of room.” Ahh, of course. There IS lots of room. Everything is going to be okay. That, and I’ll have a lot more lap once the baby comes out of my enormous belly! And in our family, if there’s no room, we MAKE room. So there’s always room for everybody, and we all get what we need.

Okay, so here’s the thing. In a nutshell. I have so many moments of absolute closeness with each of my kids. I know both of them and their little selves in such an intimate way, and I have all of these moments that add up to real time. I take Skyler to painting class and we paint pictures together while Marcus is in preschool. I think the key to making it all work out is having an amazing spouse that is totally into being a Daddy. I so could not be SuperMommy without a SuperDaddy on board. David and I alternate who takes Skyler to Mother Goose and who does her swimming lessons with her so that we both get one-on-one time with each of the kids. All of Marcus’s classes are now teacher-centred rather than parent, but we still have our time together. While David and Skyler were doing their swim lesson, Marcus and I were goofing like crazy in the other pool. In another year, Marcus will be in Kindergarten, Skyler will be in preschool, and the baby and I will have some major quality-time. I’m not worried about making time for each of my kids because I really, really like them and I will always make time for them. But the absolute best thing about having more than one kid is to be able to witness how much joy they get from having each other.

So go forth and procreate! :D