The Cute Kid Debacle

Debacle is a great word. This is probably not an ACTUAL debacle, more of one of those little non-events that make my life somewhat interesting and slightly humourous.

I heard on the radio of this contest of cute kids in which you could win a brand new car. Check it: a BRAND NEW CAR. Do I actually need a brand new car? No. Could I even fit my entire family into the car they were offering? Again, no. But I DO have cute kids, and I DO love to win things, so I figured I had this in the bag and should enter immediately. Without delay. So I sped home, whipped the kids out of their carseats and powered up the old internet. I chose some adorable pictures of my children and entered the contest.

This contest lets the viewers vote on the cutest kids, rating each child out of 10. When voting began you could actually see the score of the child and where they stood in the ratings. I raised an eyebrow at this. I worked it though with facebook status updates, such as:

Sarah Davidson Hey! Somebody is voting my kids DOWN! I don't think I like this contest!

Followed by:

Sarah Davidson I suspect that some of the leaders are probably voting others down.

And then:

Sarah Davidson Okay so now I am feeling bad for the people whose kids are on the last page so I'm giving them all 10s because how mean is it to say somebody's kid is only a 2.5?! They could get stuck with that label for life! They'll start dating 4s even though they're really 7s and could possibly be dating 8s. It's just not right.

At this point I decided to email the guy in the promotions department to mention this alarming fact. We do NOT want 7s dating 4s if they can get 8s. Right?

12/02/2011

To c___@radio.astral.com

From:	SuperMommy
Sent:	February 12, 2011 2:05:52 PM
To:	C__@radio.astral.com

Okay so I entered my kids in your cute baby contest thinking, why not, it's time those little ingrates started earning their keep. I am shamelessly exploiting my kids trying to win a new car. And I don't even need a new car. I'm told these are the types of hobbies housewives should have. Seemed like a good idea at the time. My kids are usually pretty cute when they're not driving me completely insane at the market or even better, in the bank. They're good kids. We like them.
So I've come to realize this voting thing is kind of mean but more importantly, could be really damaging! I am feeling bad for the people whose kids are on the last page so I'm giving them all 10s because how mean is it to say somebody's kid is only a 2.5?! They could get stuck with that label for life! They'll start dating 4s even though they're really 7s and could possibly be dating 8s. It's just not right. So anyways, I hope when you guys choose a winner you choose a 2.5 because I bet you last night's leftovers that some of those 7s are going around voting down all the babies that are uber-cute. So even if their KIDS are 7s the PARENTS are 2s and should just be ashamed.

Regards,

SuperMommy

It’s funny how the anonymity of the internet allows you to be cheeky to people you’ve never met. After that email they did change the contest so you couldn’t see the scores but the photos were still arranged by popularity. My status update:

Sarah Davidson It used to show their scores but they changed it. Now you can tell when you hit "browse" as it takes you to the first page. Mine have no chance though because every time a kid gets on that front page they get assaulted with low votes. It's really sad!

Could I stop there? Have we met? Of course I couldn’t. Not without a little more sass. Back to the old emailer:

To c___@radio.astral.com

From:	SuperMommy
Sent:	February 13, 2011 7:17:45 AM
To: c___@radio.astral.com

Don't know if you got the first one but that's okay as I often carry out one-sided conversations. I like that you took off the ratings and the rating order although I think you've underestimated the mental capacity of your rabid car-coveting mothers. Have you never watched Toddlers and Tiaras? These ladies are not your average Isn't-My-Kid-Adorable cut of mommy. They know that when you hit browse those kids are lined up nice and neat in order of votes and they assault the leaders with a barrage of low votes. Cutthroat. I've never seen such a thing.

Have a nice day!

SuperMommy

I can tell you whose kids AREN’T going to win this contest! :)

Anyhow, I did actually get a reply, which surprised the pants off me!

To Sarah Davidson

From:	McWilliam, Crosby
Sent:	February 13, 2011 8:35:09 AM
To:	SuperMommy

Hi Supermommy,

Thanks for your emails. We appreciate your observations and as you noticed removed the viewer on the ratings in order to protect the kids. We're working on another way of displaying the photos alphabetically in the hopes that there's no perception of who's in first, but it might take a day or so to make that active if our web people can do it at all...

Thanks again for writing.

Crosby McWilliam

Promotions Director

Virgin Radio

I find it equally interesting when you write someone with cheek and sass and they respond to you like you are a regular sane and reasonable person. He must deal with crazies all the time. I look forward to seeing if their web people are able to alphabetize.

In Which SuperMommy Loses her Mind and Enacts Martial Law Over the Household

Well come on, we all knew it was coming.

Right now Marcus is in his room hurling insults at me as I blog about him. Luckily the worst he can come up with is, “Mommy, you are a BABY! You are a BIG POO!” Pfft. Not even worth lifting an eyebrow. That the best you got, kid? I thought so.

Yesterday I had a moment when I realized that all I do, all day long, is clean up random messes. I dismally surveyed my hurricane-struck living room and absolutely lost it. I made the kids clean and clean and clean, issuing one job after the next. When Marcus complained I LOST IT COMPLETELY, got a big piece of newsprint and scrawled the new House Rule: When you are finished playing with something you MUST put it away before moving on to the next thing. NO EXCEPTIONS. I then taped it up in the dining room above the table as a daily reminder. Now, if only I could teach those kids to read...

Today I’m all over them. Well, all over Marcus, as he tends to be the maker of random messes and destroyer of my sanity. I’ve already had to call him into the kitchen to clean up a tag he cut in pieces out of his pants, a yogurt top that he dropped on the ground beside the garbage, and a craft he had made that he took down and left on the ground. I figure it’ll be two weeks of me being all over him and then he’ll get it. I don’t anticipate this to be a very lovely or fun two weeks, and I’m regretful that I haven’t had them be more responsible all the way through. But I’ve had it, and I know that I can’t just continue to clean up after these little rugrats because the messes are becoming more creative and I’m beginning to think they’re doing it on purpose.

I don’t know why it happens but it feels like behaviour comes in waves around here. Right now it’s storming. Marcus is being rude and crabby at us, the messes have increased, and his randomness is as random as ever. Skyler has developed an acute case of selective hearing. I’m going to take her to the doctor and get her tested for naughtiness. I’m pretty sure she’s got it. Talia of course continues to be a doll, but unfortunately she is a doll that refuses to be placed on the floor, playmat, in somebody else’s arms, the exersaucer, the jolly jumper, or ANYWHERE THAT IS NOT ON MOMMY.

So to make a long story short, I’m losing it completely. Luckily today is grocery day and there is a grocery store that MINDS YOUR CHILDREN in a play area while you shop. Without your kids. I can’t even believe such a thing exists. I’m going to start shopping in small batches, a little bit every day. Every single day. Dear QF: Thank you for being you. I love you. Forever yours, SuperMommy.

Herding Cats: Not a Bad Job if You Can Get It

I’ve got a real love-hate relationship with my current job duties. Most days as I’m cleaning toilets or miserably contemplating what to make for dinner I stop and consider my two degrees and wonder if I may be overqualified for this gig. Funnily enough though, my worst day of parenting is still better than my best day at work, and I actually really love teaching. Parenting definitely has its perks, so here are my top 10 reasons why herding cats isn’t all bad:

10. In the summer you can spend your days lounging at the beach in the warm sunshine and it is considered to be both selfless and good parenting. SUNTANNING, people.

9. People give your children very cool toys that you get to play with as part of your work “duties”. Three words: Night. Vision. Goggles.

8. In the winter you get to go tobogganing. Again, considered to be good parenting.

7. In the winter you can also throw snowballs at your little terrorists and not have to worry about repercussions because fortunately you haven’t yet corrected their jelly-like throwing style.

6. If you laze out and make Kraft Dinner and Shake N Bake for dinner you get a standing O.

5. You never get lonely while on the toilet.

4. You get seconds and thirds because your children refuse to eat their dinners.

3. You get lots of fresh air because you know you need to get them out of the house before they or you or both become completely insane.

2. You never have a problem coming up with new facebook status updates because they are always doing something random.

1. You can choose to wear your jammies ALL DAY and your employers think it’s AWESOME and decide to wear their jammies all day too.

Why would I ever go back to work?! Well, besides that whole disposable income thing. That was nice to have.